How A Four Letter Word Can Make A Big Difference
June 18, 2024

Even an otherwise eloquent and emotionally intelligent person can invoke a real sense of judgement and shame in the person they’re communicating with – whether verbally, written, or otherwise. 

Usually, it’s unintentional. But it happens because of clumsiness around the language they use, and because they haven't recognised – or remembered – that we’re all primed to tell ourselves stories about someone else’s intent behind a message. And that’s regardless of whether they might be right or not. 


While certainly somewhat unhelpful, this universal tendency is actually a core function of our brain, and its purpose is to prepare us for the worst and to keep us safe. Combined with our inherent negativity bias, it essentially means that if we can read into something, then we absolutely will. 


Take the seemingly innocuous phrase: ‘How can we make this better?’ It’s actually anything but innocent in the way it will likely be perceived. Many of us will read, hear, or understand this as a criticism, and a declaration that what we’ve done is rubbish, or that the recipient expected more. In the mind of someone with an active inner critic, these thoughts then evolve and amplify into: ‘I’m not good enough’ or ‘he/she doesn’t think I can do this’. 


Yes, as we must always recognise when communicating, this is their truth and not the truth. But if we don’t address it, we risk defensive and demotivated communication partners, who are primed for further disconnect. And the communication itself will be even tougher than normal to land effectively.


Individuals typically react to this perceived judgement either passively (folding into themselves and taking it as more evidence of their ‘not enough’), or active defence (internally retorting with ‘how dare they’, or ‘don’t they know that I…’). Both reactions are far from ideal, and the relationship and rapport is bound to suffer as a result. 


The good news is that for those of us who want to take deliberate command of exactly how our message lands, there is a very simple way that we can avoid this scenario from playing out. 


And it involves just one four letter word. ‘Even.’


How different does ‘How can we make this *even* better?’ sound and feel!


It instantly removes all potential for reading into this sentence, completely avoiding the previously potential shame spiral.  


The addition of this one little word makes all the difference and transforms the phrase into a positive, enforcing, and coaching statement which encourages ‘even’ more from the intended recipient. 


And this is why it’s important to always use carefully considered language. And why avoiding clumsy mistakes is vital to ensure your message lands exactly as you intend each and every time.

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Mastering the Art of Corporate Storytelling

By Felicity Wingrove • August 13, 2024
Storytelling is certainly a powerful art - both in the creation of intentional stories released into the world to entertain, enthuse, or inspire, and in the internal dialogue which has evolved to keep each of us safe. But it also holds significant weight as an effective corporate communication tool… We recently shared our insights about the importance of determining your truth in amongst the truth when it comes to the tales we tell ourselves as a response to the world around us. But once this has been mastered, storytelling can help you to further connect and engage – whether at Board level or communicating with your entire workforce.

A Tale as Old as Time: Storytelling Myths We Tell Ourselves

By Felicity Wingrove • July 10, 2024
From early childhood we’re taught the ancient art of storytelling. We start with ‘once upon a time’ and end with ‘happily ever after’, and we carry on telling ourselves stories as we grow and step into the world around us. But they don’t always serve us well. And that’s in large part because we’re each so unique and we view the world through our own personal stained-glass window sunglasses. Each pane of glass has been shaped and coloured by our own lived experiences, the culture in which we were raised, and the many ‘truths’ we’ve been taught along the way. And these impact how we interpret, respond and react to the stories we’re told, and that we tell ourselves. We read into a person’s intent, decipher what they ‘really’ mean, or work to sense what’s coming next. It’s all perfectly natural and it’s ultimately how our brain has evolved to keep us safe, but it’s rarely the truth and very much more often our truth. Take a lunch with friends as an example. Imagine walking into the restaurant and seeing them all together over the other side of the room, laughing and having a great time. You walk towards them and as soon as they see you, they fall quiet and look a bit awkward. You could make that behaviour mean that they were talking about you, or that they were planning a surprise birthday party for you. Neither may be the whole truth but just think about how you’d act if you believed either of those stories, how your friends would respond, and how the end of that lunch might look and feel… So few of us realise that our inner narrative doesn’t come from a neutral place, instead, just like our stained-glass sunglasses, it’s moulded by our experiences, self-image, and personal filters. And this is ever-applicable in the corporate world too. Two individuals receiving the exact same email, can have wildly different interpretations, and that comes down to their filters and how they read or process it. When we assume the intent behind a message based on our inner storytelling narrative, it absolutely impacts our response to that message. Our reaction may be defensive, potentially leading to a negative exchange that may have been completely unnecessary in reality. So always pause. And bring conscious awareness to anything that a communication (regardless of its form) brings up for you, and then ask yourself if the messaging you took from it was the truth, or was it your truth?

Download our guide to learn the five secrets to compelling communications.

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