Using minimal responses, or body language, to convey that you are listening, engaged, and understanding is vital to ensure communications are a mutual win for all parties involved. Whilst individuals displaying certain communication styles may find these uncomfortable, it is important to consider your conversing partner, their style and the ultimate purpose of the discussion, to further build rapport and show interest. 

Hi it’s Fliss at Zen and welcome back to this latest Insight into Language and Communications Mastery.

Today I want to talk to you, very briefly, about something called a minimal response.

Minimal responses are those small sounds that you make when someone else is talking to show that you’re listening. Perhaps the Mm-hmm, uh-huh, the interested noises.

The reason I want to bring your awareness to this is because using minimal response is something that most of us will do unconsciously, and if we can bring conscious awareness to it, we can deploy these to achieve something quite special.

Men and women (I should probably say masculine and feminine) communicate as we know, in quite a different way.   During my undergraduate degree when I studied Linguistics and English Language, I did my dissertation on minimal response use and whether that was gender specific.   My findings at the time were that there was a gulf, a chasm, between the purpose of minimal response use for the masculine and feminine.   Certainly over the last 25 years, that’s played out time and time again, and all I’ve seen is difference. And I don’t mean men and women. We all know there are women who will communicate in a very masculine style, and men who prefer a much more feminine communication style. So use that as your guide if you will.

What I’ve discovered is that women, in a business setting in particular (so imagine sat around a Board Room table), will use minimal responses to reassure the person that’s speaking that they’re listening, that they’re engaged, that they’re interested. What is doesn’t mean is that they agree with you. And there can be real communication challenge when someone provides positive minimal responses, but then at the end of it says, "I disagree wildly".

From the masculine perspective, men sometimes withhold minimal responses consciously or otherwise, and they’ll do this as a power play.   I don’t know if you have ever found yourself in a situation where you’re talking and you’re looking at someone and you’re looking for clues or cues that they’re with you. They’re physically in front of you but perhaps the lights are on but no one’s home. It’s that sort of an impression. Quite often that will be because they’re withholding any kind of verbal assertion, any kind of minimal response.

Be very careful when you do that. It can be hugely alienating and it can be very frustrating.

Even if someone doesn’t consciously recognise that you’re doing it, you’re going to be making them feel uncomfortable, and our work together with this language mastery is about achieving language and communication that is a mutual win for everybody.

So make sure if you bring awareness to this, and you’re not using minimal responses a huge amount, try to include a few. You can also build-in some body language - you could nod, you could lean forward, you could tilt your head slightly to one side, you could perhaps (going back to some of the Satir hand gestures that we’ve covered in past sessions) put a finger on your cheek or your chin, and sort of nod -  because this is saying to the other person...“I’m listening to you”.

If minimal responses aren’t something that you’re very comfortable with, perhaps consider some physiology, some changes that you can bring that show that you are listening and engaged. But absolutely just a few mm-hmms, and a few nods as you’re doing that will go a huge way to building that rapport as you’re developing your communication.

So just a short Insight today, I hope that it lands well. Do let me know as always in the comments below and do follow #ZenCommsMaster for more Insights.

I’ve got some great ones planned, thanks so much.

Meet the Author

As one of the UK's leading experts in the applied psychology of language, Fliss has helped Boards, leadership teams, and c-suite executives from across the world to communicate with influence, integrity, and impact. A psycholinguist, voice dialogue, and NLP Practitioner, Fliss is also trained in influence and persuasion, and behavioural psychology, and is a certified empowerment coach and trainer. Fliss heads-up The Ultimate Advantage, a dedicated language and communications mastery coaching and training consultancy, as well as Zen Communications, a successful PR and content agency. She regularly speaks on all aspects of compelling communication and is a popular podcast guest.